I’ve seen a certain fear in me, and I’m not sure yet exactly where it originated. But it’s basically a worry that life, the afterlife, spiritual awakening, the whole of creation basically has a limit, an end. That there’ll be a point where everything that can be experienced and learned will be reached, and then being stuck like that forever…
I’ve learned of ways to study and get rid of ego states and have used these techniques taught by Belsebuub successfully in the past. Although I got some insights into when and how this fear came up in me, I also wondered if this fear might very well be true? I did not know and therefore something was missing for me to overcome it.
Waking up in a Dream
There was one night, around that time when that fearful thought would come up every now and again, where I found myself lucid in the astral dimension. I knew I was in the dream world. I sometimes fly around a bit at this stage, and this time I wanted to fly up. Up into space.
Something that unfortunately happens quite a lot when I would try this in the past is that as soon as I fly some distance away from the ground and the terrestrial objects in range I start to lose my vision and clarity and just end up in a “blur.” This is even more likely when I just “superman” and try to fly as fast as I can.
So this time while still on the ground I made sure I was inwardly calm and clear of emotions and expectations. It was my goal to try to keep my clarity. I rose up very slowly above the houses, yet keeping my attention on the view of the horizon.
I continued to rise and was determined not to lose myself and just focused on the cool wind passing by me as I moved through the clouds. Here I had to keep a check on my excitement as it seemed to be working very well and I still felt so clear. It was very pleasant to move through what I felt were the different layers of Earth’s atmosphere.
Finally I found myself floating in space not too far from the planet.
Everything was very bright and full of “things going on” all around. And rather than life being finite, in fact I became aware that it was infinite! What struck me more so than the realization was how I was given to feel inside. I felt that there was such a great sense of freedom and peace in life being infinite.
I really felt that the astral scenario up there in space was given to me as a help to counter that fear, to experience on a deeper level a degree of truth on this matter. Here I believe I was being shown my surroundings in a certain way to help me understand this, and this certainly did help to ease my fear.
A Similar “Vision” during a Mantra Practice
Interestingly around that same time I had a similar insight reach me during a mantra session where I was also using visualization.
I was doing the mantra OM/AUM with a few other people. As my concentration intensified this time I wanted to add something more to the practice and decided to visualise the “three rings of the source of creation” symbol. Belsebuub mentions in his work that this shape of two rings and a centre dot symbolises the “Absolute,” the source of creation.
I visualized the outer ring and the inner one, and then the central dot. But it felt a bit one dimensional so to speak and I felt stuck in the visualisation. But then I decided to go for it anyway and fully focused myself on the central dot, sort of catapulting myself towards it. And what I imagined was that this dot was in fact an opening of a wide and great infinite tunnel, through which there seemed to flow a stream of life and energy.
This time again that perception of something limitless brought a similar sense of freedom.
As a side mention. The reverb or “travelling sound” in this chant (https://freesound.org/s/157294/) actually remind me a bit of the feeling of a great tunnel being filled.
Something Worth Mentioning
Even though the things I share here are related to quite big truths and questions. My experiences of it were very much only to a certain limited degree. Glimpses. I believe we can experience and feel the truths to such questions in much greater degrees according to our capacity. Here is a related article which is an extract from the amazingly profound book Return to Source by Belsebuub and Lara Atwood.