I’ve seen a certain fear in me that’s basically a worry that life, the afterlife, spiritual awakening, the whole of creation basically has a limit and an end. That there’ll be a point where everything that can be experienced and learned will be reached, and then being stuck like that forever…
I’ve learned of ways to study and get rid of ego states and have used these techniques taught by Belsebuub successfully in the past. Although I got some insights into when and how this fear came up in me, and tried to overcome it, I also wondered if this fear might very well be true?
Waking up in a Dream
There was one night, around that time when that fearful thought would come up every now and again, where I found myself lucid in the astral dimension. I knew I was in the dream world. I sometimes fly around a bit at this stage, and this time I wanted to fly up into space.
Something that unfortunately happens quite a lot when I would try this in the past is that as soon as I fly some distance away from the ground and the terrestrial objects in range I start to lose my vision and clarity and just end up in a “blur.” This is even more likely when I just “superman” and try to fly as fast as I can.
So this time while still on the ground I made sure I was inwardly calm and clear of emotions and expectations. It was my goal to try to keep my clarity. I rose up very slowly above the houses, yet keeping my attention on the view of the horizon.
I continued to rise and was determined not to lose myself and just focused on the cool wind passing by me as I moved through the clouds. Here I had to keep a check on my excitement as it seemed to be working very well and I still felt so clear. It was very pleasant to move through what I felt were the different layers of Earth’s atmosphere.
Finally I found myself floating in space not too far from the planet.
Everything was very bright and full of “things going on” all around. And rather than life being finite, in fact I became aware that it was infinite. What struck me more so than the realization was how I was given to feel inside. I felt that there was such a great sense of freedom and peace in life being infinite.
I really felt that the astral scenario up there in space was given to me as a help to counter that fear, to experience on a deeper level a degree of truth on this matter. Here I believe I was being shown my surroundings in a certain way to help me understand this, and this certainly did help to ease my fear.
Hey Karim very inspiring experiences thanks for sharing, I know what you mean about losing the focus when flying up, I also experience this a lot of the time as well I never seem to make it to my destinations : (
Very beautiful your experience Karim and how your overcame your fear. It touched me so much. Thank you for sharing this
Thanks Seraphim. Wishing you many experiences of freedom in out-of-body experiences as well as daily life through the growth of consciousness.
This part of your experience made me well up at the memory of the beautiful vastness of life:
“Everything was very bright and full of “things going on” all around. And rather than life being finite, in fact I became aware that it was infinite! What struck me more so than the realization was how I was given to feel inside. I felt that there was such a great freedom and peace in life being infinite.”
Like Mike, I can’t say I can relate to this particular fear Karim, though similarly have identified the feeling of, and the fear of, being cut off from infinite life, the infinite knowledge, trapped in my own world and myopic perception of reality. This sense of “things going on all around” and the peace you felt within sensing the boundlessness of life, this is something I’ve been able to tap into now and again, and which is like a (super) food for the essence, something that spurs on the internal search with a promise of the peace that can be achieved within.
Apart from personal practices that can give rise to this feeling, a couple of things come to mind which I’ve found have helped me to comprehend that life, and the awakening, is limitless. One is the chapter from Belsebuub’s blog, ‘The Fulfillment of a Personal Quest”(link below) where Mark describes that his enormous achievements on the spiritual path as being, “the beginning of a more advanced work, not the end or conclusion”.
The other is the Paradise part of the Divine Comedy. For me this was one of the most moving and inspiring accounts I’ve read of a journey to the absolute and one that managed to imprint in me a sense of the magnitude of creation.
I also wanted to comment on the sense of being given an experience that spoke to your deepest fears. It’s really incredible that the divine can do this, and will do this – see into the very depths of our soul and speak to it in a symbolic language that soothes our fears.
Thanks for sharing this profound experience.
Thank you, Karim, for sharing with us your experiences. This is your personal treasure that you can only feel the impacts, and I am happy that you got such a help to pass in a different stage of understanding about your fear and to enlarge your visualization practice.
The ” traveling sound” in the choral music that you sent us seems very original to me, wondering if it was like simulating echoes or the feeling of music in a macrocosmic range of the infinite tunnel.
I’ve had this thought as well Karim. That there must be an end to learning eventually….and then what? It seemed rather empty somehow. I loved reading about your experiences. I loved hearing about the freedom and peace you felt knowing that life was infinite.
Yes and it seems a similar thought or fear might be underlying in some way with many people at large. What to do with life? There might be a fear there and in order to avoid the emptiness of existence some might hide in the indulgence of pleasure with their time. Or the idea that the divine does not exist and so life seems superficial and devoid of magic.
But the existence of the divine needs to be sought out by the individual to know its reality. And it’s more amazing than one could’ve ever imagined.
The external world turned from empty into an alive and magical place by developing our conscious perception. Where every gust of wind, every leaf, every scent becomes blissful magic that can be enjoyed forever!
I found these experiences very inspiring. Thanks for sharing them Karim. It’s an interesting coincidence, as I was also having some similar fears recently, but in a slightly different way. These fears were part of a bigger manifestation of fear, which came about somewhat unexpectedly. But this bigger emotion started to spark of worries in all sorts of directions.
Among these worries was the fear that I’m actually completely alone in the universe and that my prayers to the divine are not being heard and won’t have any effect. Then underneath that was another layer of fear – that this is how it is right now and how it will always be, which in turn brought about feelings of hopelessness.
I could see this fear sneaking in when I started to pray, but at the same time could feel it shifting as I got further into the prayer and it was in turn replaced by a greater feeling of inner strength. The anxieties about other issues were still cropping up in many ways during the day though, so I decided to try a long meditation on an ego practice. In this, I was able to see many aspects of these fears and their influence throughout my life. The bigger manifestations of fear greatly subsided after that.
I feel it was a challenge to maintain faith during very difficult times, but by doing so, I feel that help came back to me, bringing a renewed strength to move forwards. In the end, I realised that divine help is the one thing that I can always rely upon, as everything else in this world will eventually pass. Moreover, it’s the one thing that I know will always be there in each moment, even when I’m on my own.
Thanks for sharing some of your struggles Michael. It’s interesting to see there are fears in us which can have such a level of conviction where we’d just about believe them or are convincing enough to weigh us down so, even to states of hopelessness.
I agree on all those things you mentioned which are good to do. To be strong and to keep going, to reach out to the divine even if it feels ’empty’, to make ourselves pick up activities and make them work. To study the ways these fears work carefully. Engage in communication/interchange with external energies of other people and the freshness of nature. Etc. Like you say, I believe, every effort we make in such times forges and creates a strength within us.
Wishing you all the best!
Yes, the things you mentioned are also useful Karim. All the best to you too!
Thanks for sharing your insights Michael, that’s helpful.
I think fear is such a big obstacle in spiritual development, with many aspects to it. I don’t think I’ve come across (or noticed) the fear you mentioned, Karim, in relation to a finiteness of knowledge. I find myself more identified with fears of the opposite: the knowledge, being infinite, is overwhelming and I have fears associated with trying to acquire knowledge, realizing I’ll always come up short.
Those sorts of fears of being alone in the universe sound quite familiar, Michael. I find they easily come up when I’m in a state of entropy and life is throwing difficulties at me. I start to doubt myself and question whether my prayers can or will be answered. But when we ask for help and persevere through those times, the faith we acquire is very precious.
Yes, I agree Mike. It’s important to perserve through difficult times and to acquire faith, in order to keeping moving forwards.
I’ve had this fear so often as well Michael. The fear of being totally alone, and also not wanted by the divine. But I feel and have experienced how they, again and again, comfort and reassure me that they’re there with me and that I’m being guided. I think also that a sense of being alone makes me reach out to them more.
That’s good to hear you felt that reassurance and guidance despite those fears Anne Linn. Yes, I think the sense of being alone can make us reach out to the divine more, as when circumstances in life are good and we don’t have to face many challenges, it’s also easy to become content with a particular lifestyle and forget about the importance of working to gain lasting inner peace, which can remain within us regardless of the cirumstances we find ourselves in.
Thank you, Michael, for emphasizing a number of points here about fear. These feeling through the understandings that we can get can become a valuable lesson for our growth.
I have also seen that if we leave our fear/depression/hopelessness to overburden our low psychological state, this could lead to our slipping back, which is useful from one point because we can see many aspects of egos there in an ”unrefined” form that we would probably not have seen till now, but also brings many difficulties because of the impact of these strong psychological states and the effort to ascend again.
Yes, this is something I’ve also observed Maia. Seeing those inner states in their raw form can help to gain further understanding about them and diminish some of the subconsious influence they have upon us. But it can also take a lot of strength and determination to break out of these strong psychological states, once we are in them. It’s so important to be persistent though and do whatever it takes to regain a sense of inner clarity, so that these states don’t keep on draining our energy and bringing us down.